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Several dozen phony black bird carcasses fall to the stage of the Ed Sullivan Theater.
Dave believes it's a delivery for Rupert's Hello Deli.
Her resolution was, "I'm going to try not to be a douche bag." (Dave receives the Late Show aaoogah horn for this quote.) And when that ball comes down... He wants to tell us about his most recent air travel, and the inspection of his person by a TSA employee.
They gave "Dave and The Twins" quite a good inspection, if you know what I mean.
Dave once again is disciplined with the Late Show aaoogah horn for referring to Simon Cowell as a douche bag.••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave cares about us home viewers, by the way. Now, speaking of running, Dave has gotten to wondering what it would be like if tortoises were speedy, and hares were slow as molasses. Naturally Dave wonders how that would work out for humans who were running. 1/11/11 : There's another pesky snowstorm in store for New York City... (Dave promises the balcony will be plowed tomorrow. That's where the CBS guests sit.) The National Weather Service is on it. Since the warning may change, we've also issued a Warning Watch Alert Update Watch Warning. ••• Tom De Lay's going to the joint for three years for monkeying around with campaign finance funds, and boy, are his colleagues ever upset. / video: (various nebulae photos) (voice-over): "A mysterious green blob has been spotted in outer space. / Top Ten Charlie Sheen Excuses ••• Justin Bieber plugs an important documentary, Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. Martha was cooking items for a football-themed party. He said, "Martha, do you still hear from any of the cons? Dave wants to say something to Hosni Mubarak, and all Egyptians everywhere, for that matter, which brings us to "The Late Show's Message to Hosni Mubarak." / video: (title graphics) (voice-over): "And now, 'The Late Show's Message to Hosni Mubarak.' " (Dave, at desk, looking troubled): "Hosni, Hosni, Hosni." (voice-over): "This has been 'The Late Show's Message to Hosni Mubarak.' " ••• Gov. ••• While Gerard Mulligan didn't join Chris as usual, we get tape of a mockumentary with Gerard and Chris's daughter Bridget "Bridey" Elliott, "Chris and Gerry with the NYPD." Chris began with Dave on Late Night from its start, and eventually became a writer.Dave's fascinated by the behaviors of members of the animal kingdom. ••• "Small Town News" / Ohio County Times-News, Hartford, Kentucky: B&W picture of a masculine-looking middle-aged woman, frowning for her picture, as they did way back when: "Do you know this lady? Mike Mc Intee reported in the Wahoo Gazette that those punks painted Alan Kalter's face green... / video: (snow scenes) (voice-over): "A major snowstorm is now a certainty for the Northeastern U. The National Weather Service has issued a Winter Storm Watch, which will soon be upgraded to a Winter Storm Warning Watch, to be followed by a Warning Warning, then a Warning Watch Warning, then a Watch Watch Warning Watch, then the Warning itself. The National Weather Service: So advanced, it's simple." ••• interruption: Gene Szymanski, who's all bundled up, rolls onstage with an electric snowblower. / video: Speaker of the House John Boehner is blubbering somethin' awful over the recent verdict. ) ••• The Hubble Space Telescope has delivered a great image of a green blob in space. NASA officials can't identify what it is, exactly, but these images from the Hubble Telescope suggest it could be a light echo from a long-dead quasar, or quite possibly... A Shore Thing: Available at fine booksellers and auto detailing shops everywhere! / We see the girls outside on 53rd St., hoping for his autograph. " She paid her debt to society, and he shouldn't have said that. Mitt Romney presents the Top Ten Things You Don't Know About Mitt Romney. ••• desk chat: more on the Martha Stewart scandal, and how to apologize ••• Matthew Perry plugs Mr. Aaron Rodgers has had a tremendous postseason, and I see that continuing Sunday. Back to you, Dave." (Dave): "Thank you very much, Alan. Dave announced Abby Elliott's birth on Late Night on 6/17/87. " (Bob, with Egypt in the background): "Well, I'm tellin' you, nobody can even get into Cairo.••• John Boehner was sworn in as Speaker of the House today. ••• New York City sponsored El Blizzardo Grande on December 27. / Photoshop fun: Stuffed-full trash bags are piled up almost to the top of the Late Show marquee. ••• As many as 5,000 deceased blackbirds were found around Beebe, Arkansas the other day. But one thing is clear." (product logo): Popeyes Fried Blackbirds™ (voice-over): "Now's the time to try Arkansas Broilers™ from Popeyes®!Dave's never pleased when someone tries to make a buck off a bad situation. " (clip): happy kids munching on bird (voice-over): "Your family will love the different taste, and you'll love the savings we pass on by salvaging dead birds! Dave says horsedjoy and gets the Late Show aaoogah horn.