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We are monogamous for now—I'm open to opening things up down the road—and I didn't see the point of going down there. wasn't the right time to open up our relationship, and he angrily insisted he wasn't trying to do that.

But if we're monogamous and want to stay monogamous, why go into a dark room at all?

Do it at a neutral time (a time when you can't have sex), so she doesn't feel like you're attempting to initiate by raising the subject.

(Granted, I didn't tell him EVERYTHING I do down there.) My understanding was that there was no causal relationship, assuming no serious injuries occur. Peter Shalit, a physician in Seattle and a member of the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association.

If you don't feel comfortable telling your doctor EVERYTHING you're doing "down there," you can find a new doctor—one you can breathe, relax, and open up to (in a different way)—under "find a provider" at

I'm a 35-year old straight male, engaged to my girlfriend of eight years.

(Remember, the fact that she climaxed isn't proof that she enjoyed it. Did you go down there without asking, which didn't give her higher brain functions/inhibitions a chance to kick in?

Her orgasm is a physiological response; her pleasure is a combo of psychological responses and physiological responses.) If oral is pleasurable for her when she can allow you to go down on her, figure out what was different about those times. (Please note: Not asking isn't an option for new partners or new moves.) If you can figure out what worked and why—freshly showered, mildly buzzed, no questions asked—you won't have to stick your head in the toilet to prove a point.

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